My Avatar

Avatar Work

My Avatar are women from the ages of 30-65 who are caring for individuals with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.

They are single parents who have adopted.

They are professional Parents who have adopted.

They are foster parents; they are biological parents.

My Avatar is from The United States, Canada, The United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand. 

 

What are your avatars biggest strengths?

My Avatar’s biggest strength is that they will never give up, they will never give up on their kids, they’re always researching They are organizers, they organize their kid’s schedules appointments, Therapies and specialists. They are persistent and can be very motivated.  They are helpers, they love to help, they are great at troubleshooting.

 

What are their Hopes and Dreams?

My Avatars hopes and dreams are that their children on spectrum will be able to be as
independent as possible adults.  They want their children to have a good support system.
They hope to have their kids accept their disability and reach out for help. They hope to have
a real relationship with their kids into adulthood. They want their kids to be happy, safe, productive members of society.  They want to be able to have some of their own freedom back travel more and to not have to worry about their kids while they are away. They want more down time to create memories.

Who or what do they aspire to be?

My Avatar is someone who aspires to become an FASD educator. My Avatar aspires to be a calmer parent, one who does not lose their patience when dealing with their loved ones on the spectrum. They aspire to spend good quality time with their kids. They want to be good partners to their spouses. They want to be more confident and less worried/anxious about things.

How do you want others to see you as a parent?

My Avatar wants others to see them as a loving caring parent. Someone who is a good role
model who thinks outside the box. They want to be seen as loving and compassionate parent. A parent that allowed their kids to find out who they are and to honor that. They want others to see them as someone who is knowledgeable about their child’s disability, so they are taken seriously when advocating.

 

 

What opportunities do you have right now?
My Avatar’s opportunities right is the ability to spend more time with their kids. They have less commitments and appointments, so everything has slowed down. They have opportunities to see their
child’s capacity for school, which will help them with their IEP in the future. They have the opportunity for more space in their heads and in their day. They have more time to ponder options as to how to help their children.

 

 

Biggest frustration as a person and parent:

Having to justify to family and to other why their kids do things or why they don’t do things.
They’re so frustrated trying to find services only to have therapists and other professionals who
think they know more about their children than they do because they have letters after their name.

 They get so frustrated by not being heard/seen or taken seriously by professional caregivers.

They are frustrated because they want to help their children, but they won’t accept help.

They are frustrated by family members giving advice on how to manage their kids. They get frustrated by their spouses telling them that they are letting their kids get away with everything.

 The single parents are frustrated that they must do everything for themselves. There is no help, no down time. They are frustrated that they cannot date.  They are frustrated getting their kids to understand their disability.

 

 What keeps you up at night?

 What will happen to their kids when they die, who will take care of them, who will keep them safe. Who will provide them with the support they need to succeed!

Getting “that call” from the Police or Hospital.

They are worried about their children, if they are safe inside and not doing drugs or getting in trouble with the law.

They worry that their kids will fall off the right path and won’t ever be able to get back on.

Worried that they will lose connection with their kids. They are up at night wondering if they are doing everything they can to provide for their children.

They worry about how they are going to guide their kids as they transition into adulthood with less control.

  

My avatar has to stay up late at night to get a alone time which leaves them tired in the morning.

My avatar must be a referee with the other siblings.

Less respite time for everybody. Not being able to get a change in scenery while we were locked down. 

The bad part as a caregiver is no space, working at home, etc. etc.  None of us have places and spaces to “go to”. The home is big enough but mentally not big enough. 

What scares you about being a caregiver?

What scares my avatar is that they are doing it all wrong, that they are not good enough. They are scared about causing more harm by something they do or something they say.

They fear losing themselves. That
they will only be seen as a caregiver.

They are scared that the endless struggle is never going to end. They are scared of the bad days, the swearing, everything feels and sounds personal. They get scared because they get anxious.

They are scared that their kids will commit suicide. They are afraid there will be nobody to look after their needs when they are gone.

 

What are you afraid of?

My Avatar is afraid of dying before their kids become adults.  or getting older and be unable to help them. That nobody will be there to care for them. They are afraid of their kids getting really hurt going to jail or dying themselves.

They are afraid that their kids with get connected with the wrong people and will exploit them.

They are afraid of their kids actions when they go into a rage. Hitting spitting biting, name calling, property destruction. They are afraid of their loved ones being sucked into the justice system.

What makes you Angry?

My Avatar gets angry with people who thing they know their child better than they do. They get angry when family members tell them how they should be raising their kids. They get angry at professionals who dismiss their knowledge and understand of FASD and what their kids need.

They get angry when they want to help their kids and they will not accept it. That their kids do not realize or appreciate all that the caregiver has done for them.  When their kids are having a tough day with perseveration and they are hounding them all day.

They are angry when people think their children act that way because of their parenting skills.

They are angry at school boards for not accommodating their children. That they get suspended for their disability and not accommodated for it.

My avatar gets angry at the disability itself. They get angry watching their kids struggle with simple tasks.  They are angry about not having freedom from worry.

 

In what way do people make you feel disrespected?

My Avatar feels disrespected with people don’t listen to them, when they get cut off and aren’t allowed to finish their thoughts.

People make them feel disrespected when they are overlooked and understated. When their opinions or suggestions are disregarded. They feel disrespected when their family, both immediate and extended questions their parenting. Family members always try and have the last word, and they undermine my efforts.  When people do not understand what we go through and they say “every kid goes through that”

 

Who does not respect you?

Who does not respect my Avatar…Their Mother in Laws!

Other family members, parents, professionals, teachers.

What does it feel like to be disrespected?

 When my avatar is disrespected, they feel… belittled, invisible, less than, not important.

They feel like they are uneducated, they lose their self-confidence. They feel sad, like they don’t matter.

It makes them feel like it was their fault they could not conceive and that they deserve all of these struggles.

They feel exhausted and deflated, they start to believe that it must be there fault and they are awful parents.  

What achievement would validate you as a caregiver?

What would validate my avatar is having a positive and trusting relationship with their kids as they get older. That their kids will still come to them when they are in trouble or need help.

To have their kids feel good about themselves by finding housing and employment that accommodates their disability.  

They will feel validated when service providers listen to things we have said and are willing to try new things we suggest.

They can explain with confidence what it means to have FASD.

So see that they are getting better not taking things personally and forgiving themselves for their mistakes.

Family members saying they are a good mom and mean it. Having empathy to my experience.