#045 Jay Derting: Doing it for the Dads

fasd success show Nov 29, 2020


I am so pumped to present this episode of The FASD Success Show podcast because this guy has a ton of experience that I just know other Dads, Moms and caregivers will benefit from. Also, with 98 % of my audience female, I just thought it would be a great addition to have another dad/male caregiver speak. 

Jay Derting has been teaching math for 34 years at a small farming school. He and his wife, along with their three bio kids first spent three months opening up a street centre for 200 homeless children in Madagascar, then spent a year as directors. As much as he enjoyed the work, he felt something was missing, and when he came home and went back to teaching he knew that was where his passion was. Wanting to still help children, he and his wife became foster parents. Two years ago he became a Trust-Based Relational Intervention Practitioner. His wife works with Homes of Hope, a nonprofit she started, which covers eight counties and supports over 500 foster/adopt families. Over the last 16 years, they have fostered 35 kids and adopted 4, two on the FASD spectrum.  

I get right to the point with Jay, asking him, “Why do you think more Dad’s aren’t listening or engaging?” He gives his four thoughts on that, plus: 

  • His perspective on life during a pandemic as a caregiver and as a teacher; 
  • How his understanding of the disability changed the way he not only taught but raised his foster and adopted children; and  
  • Why he says the Beatles song, All you need is love, is a lie - but also why maintaining relationships and connection is the key to success. 

I wish there was something at the age they are now that says, here’s what you need to do to help yourself, and here’s what we need to do to help you. This is the hardest part of the journey. 

Jay also talks about the four things he believes you need for this journey and lets us know what he does for self-care. He advises other male caregivers out there who may be stuck where he used to be.  

I am so glad Jay reached out to me. I enjoyed his mix of hope and realism. I can’t promise I can interview everyone who reaches out, but if you have a story or idea to share, please reach out to me at [email protected]. And don’t forget to let me know in the comments what you thought of this episode! 

Show Notes: 

Contact Jay: [email protected] 

Join our Group:  Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) Caregiver Success Group


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