#102 Bryan Post: How to Move from Control to Connection with your Child

fasd success show Apr 02, 2022

This is a big episode! In fact, my guest in today’s episode is affectionately known as “Big Poppa”. That’s right – I finally made a connection with Bryan Post and I couldn’t be more stoked to bring his message to my audience.  

Bryan is a child behavior expert and founder of the Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy. The Post Institute works with adults, children, and families struggling with early life trauma and the impact on the development of the mind/body system. A renowned clinician, lecturer, and author, Bryan has traveled throughout the world providing expert treatment and consultation.  

He holds three degrees in the field of social work: a bachelor's, Master's, and Doctoral degree. A retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Bryan continues spreading his loved based parenting message through his lecturing and writing. He lives with his family in Oklahoma.

We can’t control other people, including our children. What happens is their process invites us into our own process, which we don’t like. It makes us feel uncomfortable and then we want to change our children’s process. That’s where our fear and control come in. All of a sudden, we are trying to control, suppress and change the symptoms of our child when in fact what we are doing is just layering our anxiety on top of their anxiety and making it impossible for anyone to really have any true change. 

While there are some differences in the way FASD is viewed in Canada versus the United States, it was his time spent in Canada and the things he learned that influenced his work. We talk about that as well as his thoughts, theories, teachings and key messages on: 

  • Why the old school way of correction doesn’t work for our kids, why many caregivers default to it and the first thing you should do if your child is escalating. 
  • Importance of focussing on the parent/child relationship over behaviours (symptoms) of the child.  Connection before direction. 
  • How attachment, trauma and PTSD intersect, resulting in dysregulation for the child and caregiver responses. 
  • Expands on his 4 Step Process, including his number one piece of advice, when facing challenging behaviours. 

What I teach is so simple, but it’s not easy. I could give 26 different ways to intervene … but the reality is parents already know. You just have to get your brain regulated. We get so caught up in the fear dynamic. If we are adding more to it, we are prolonging it. 

There is so much more to unpack in this episode. You will learn some new and different ways to look at your kids and your caregiving experience. It was cool to finally connect with Bryan. I love hearing different stories, finding out how we are the same and different. In fact, in this episode, we collaborate and move from looking at prenatal alcohol exposure as a triple to a quadruple “threat.”   

No matter the approach or path, we ultimately have the same desire and goal: to help you – the caregiver - achieve more success so you can have better days and relationships your kids.  

Show Notes: 

Find Bryan and the Post Institute: Website Facebook, YouTube 

Check out our website:  FASD Success 

Check out the FASD Success Facebook Page:  FASD Caregiver Success 

Join our Private Facebook Group: FASD Caregiver Success Group 

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