#120 Marj Wingrove Talking to Kids with FASD about Death

Today’s episode is a heavy topic that might make some people uncomfortable, but it is one that we should be prepared for – because it is inevitable at some point our children will be faced with death – whether that is a pet, family member or friend.

We reached out to Marjorie Wingrove who is a death doula, in Eastern Ontario. Her focus is on death education, bereavement support and end-of-life preparation. In 2021 she created the Death Happens podcast with support from Trent Radio. Marjorie is a single parent of two adolescents, one with prenatal alcohol exposure.

She has served as a parent advisor on several committees and workshopped coping strategies with other parents of kids with FASD.

There is nothing easy about the topic of death. Instead, invite curiosity. We do not get over grief. If there is love, there is going to be grief. There is no method necessarily except to pay attention to what is going on with the person who is bereaved and to listen to what their needs are.

In addition to relating how she developed an interest in the end-of-life cycle and becoming a death doula, we talk about:

• Challenges and celebrations raising a child with FASD as a single parent and how learning about FASD led her to a diagnosis of ADHD for herself.
• Thoughts on why adults are uncomfortable with the topic when to talk about it and five tips on how to talk to children with FASD about it.
• Suggestions for parents to balance their own grief while trying to support their child(ren).

We know our kids are not going to comprehend things the way we think they are developmentally, knowing that anything could come out of our kids when they are faced with that kind of grief. The occasion of a death will open the box for other traumas. They could be storing things up from other trauma and that comes out with the experience of death and that grief is not bereavement.

Like FASD, we want to normalize the talk about death and grieving. We will walk longer with grief than with death, and as Gabor Mate says, proper grieving protects you from future trauma. While each of our journeys may be different, we

hope with this conversation and some of the resources we have linked to in the Show Notes, including Marjorie’s Death Happens podcast, you will be more prepared when the time comes.

Show Notes:

Contact info: Death Education, Death Doula Network

Facebook: death happens | Facebook

Podcast: Death Happens

Resources: Kids Grief & Grief Words Library | SickKids Hospital

Check out our Facebook Page: FASD Caregiver Success

Join our Facebook Group: FASD Caregiver Success Group

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